60 degrees F: Southern Californians shiver
uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
50 F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in
New England plant gardens
40 F: Italian & English cars won't start. People in New
England drive with the windows down.
32 F: Distilled water freezes. The water at Moosehead
Lake in Maine starts getting cooler.
20 F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves,
wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel
shirt, buttons open.
15 F: New York City landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0 F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close
the windows.
10 below zero: Californians escape en masse to Mexico.
Girl Scouts in New England sell cookies door to door.
25 below zero: Las Vegas disintegrates. People in New
England rummage around the attic to find some winter coats.
40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Some New Englanders are frustrated when they can't start
their "kahs".
460 below zero (absolute zero on the Kelvin Scale): All
atomic motion stops. People in New England start saying . . .
"Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over.
Red Sox win World Series.